As parents, it is often hard to know what to say to our athletes when they come see us after their races. Talking about whether it was a best time or not is common and easy to do because it doesn’t require much knowledge of the sport and it’s right there in our face.
“Was this your best time?”
“Not bad, you were close to your best time!”
“You’ll get your best time next time”
“If you make 3 best times this weekend, we’ll …”
“How many best times did your son get today?”
“It wasn’t a best time but you got the medal.”
“You did it by 0.11 second! Congratulations!”
Unfortunately, putting the emphasis on best times (end results) like this creates unnecessary pressure on our athletes. It creates pressure because no one ever has any control over the end result. All we have is control over the process. When we focus on things we have no control over it tends to creates stress.
We all have heard how it is the journey that matters, not the destination. We could say that it is not the best time that matters but the process.
The process in a race is how the swimmer’s effort was spread between segments of the race, how the technical elements were executed and the mindset in which the race was executed.
Our athletes’ coaches are educated, trained and hired to provide our athletes with professional feedback on this process and to develop them in practice to promote the growth and maturation of our athletes. Therefore, it is not needed for us to delve into this with our athletes as it could only serve to confuse them and dilute the ability of our coaches to help our athletes the way we have mandated them.
But how then do we show our support and interest in our athletes’ endeavors?
What our athletes need from us as parents more than anything else is to know that they are loved no matter what. They need to know that regardless of their performances, we love them and support them.
Here are some examples how this can be done without talking about the time.
“I’m proud of you, are you proud of your performance?”
“What’s one thing you are proud about your performance and what’s one thing you’re not so proud?”
“I’m so happy to be here to see you perform like this!”
“It didn’t look like it was an easy one, I can’t wait to see how you’re going to turn things around in your next race!”
“How was it? Did you learn much?”
“Don’t worry about making the standard, it’s inevitable you will.”
“What’s one thing you can do differently? What’s one thing you want to repeat?”
“Are you having a good time? I’m having a good time being here with you.”
“Is your son happy, having a great time?”
It is never easy to avoid talking about times and end results as it is so ingrained within our cultures, but the rewards for attempting to do so are many and worth it. It deepens and enriches our relationship with our children and provide lasting joy to our family life.
I wish you and your athletes the best!
Coach Philippe
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