The story of the comfort zone and of its alarm system

When the kids have a good base on swimming technique and have shown enough discipline to listen and stay focused long enough to be able to swim a set properly without interruptions, they are ready for the “Comfort zone” talk.

In preparation for this talk, kids have been exposed to different exercises designed to help them develop the awareness of their internal dialogue and have a basic ability to speak out sentences they hear when they think.

Most swimmers have already heard of the little Devil on our shoulder but they don’t know yet what it really means. It’s just something they’ve heard older swimmers talk about.

Before practice, with all the swimmers sitting in front of the board, I write on the board:

“Everything we want in life is just outside our comfort zone” then draw a circle below with a dot inside. An arrow pointing to the line that makes up the circle says: “edge of comfort zone”. The dot is labelled as: “us” with a second arrow. Finally, outside the circle a tag says: “out of the comfort zone.”

“Before we hop in the water, let’s take a closer look at what that drawing means. You already know that thinking is really two voices talking to each other in our heads. And I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed that what these voices say changes depending on what we do and on how we feel. So when we are in the center of our comfort zone, what kind of sentences might we hear?”

“I feel good, it’s easy, no troubles” are all things they often answer.

“And what happens to the sentences when things get more challenging, difficult, and unpleasant?” I continue.

The kids have a sense for what happens, but they usually cannot express what they sense, for it isn’t in their vocabulary yet. So, I usually have to offer some of the sentences they’ve heard in their heads before and identify them as thoughts that came to their mind because they were close to getting out of their comfort zone.

• “Even the best swimmer in the group is not doing it”
• “I did it perfect on the last one, it’s ok if I don’t do it now”
• “Coach isn’t looking”
• “I have a headache. I don’t want to die.”
• “What’s the point?”
• “I could do it any time, if I had to, why practice?”
• “I’m just going to breath twice when I turn my head.”
• “It’s not fair.”
• “It’s not going to make a difference to miss one.”
• “The other kids are bigger than me, their lungs hold more air.”
• “It’s not going to make a difference anyway.”
• “Coach is too hard on us, he doesn’t understand.”
• “That doesn’t count.”
• “My mom said I could take it easy today because I don’t feel good.”
• “This is so stupid.”
• “I’m confused.”

It’s always fun to see their eyes open wide when they hear me say things they’ve heard themselves think before. Aren’t thoughts supposed to be private? They seem to be wondering.

I usually show them pictures of famous cartoons with a little Devil and Angel on their shoulders to help them understand the concept. They get it fast!

“It’s this little Devil on our shoulder that says these sentences. The sentences he says are really just tricks to keep us safe within our comfort zone. If we agree with the sentences, it means we got fooled by our little Devil and we stay comfortably in our comfort zone.”

I explain to them that the little Devil only comes out on our shoulder when we get near the edge of our comfort zone, he’s like the alarm system to prevent us from getting out of our comfort zone. Whatever he says in our head when we approach the edge of our comfort zone is designed to trick us into deciding to stay within our comfort zone.

Then I proceed with the next step, which is to provide them with a real experience of observing how their thoughts, internal dialogue, will change as they get nearer the edge of their comfort zone.

“We’re going to do a little test to show you exactly what I mean. You will all stand up with your arms in a 90-degree cross with your eyes and mouth closed. It’s important that your eyes and mouth be closed as it will help you hear what your voices will say in your head, as we do the test. I want everyone to stay without moving in that cross position for 5 minutes. During that time your job is to observe what the voices will say and how what they say will change over time. After the test we will share what we’ve heard.”

I don’t usually have to wait until 5 minutes to know that the exercise was successful. Once I’ve seen everyone put a struggle, the test is over. The kids sit down again and I facilitates a sharing to highlight two points. One is that the type of sentences we hear as we get near the edge of our comfort zone changes and that we all hear the same sentences no matter our race, religion, age etc.

“In Today’s practice, we’re going to do something to make our little Devil come out on our shoulder on purpose. It’s not going to be easy because to make the little Devil come out, you’ll need to get near the edge of your comfort zone. What I’ll do, is look at all of you and stop you when I see your little Devil on your shoulder. You’ll come out of the water and we’ll talk until you understand what your little Devil was doing on your shoulder.”

Then I explain that holding their breathe is the easiest way to flush out their little Devils. I give them a set of 75’s freestyle breathing 3-5-7 per 25m, something they’ve haven’t done before.

It doesn’t take long that I see my first little Devil.

“Lina, have you heard your little Devil?” I asked with genuine interest.

Lina looks at me wondering why I would have seen a little Devil on her shoulder.

Out of the water, Lina was trying her best to convince me that I must have been wrong, for there was no way I could have seen a little Devil on her shoulder.

I asked her: “Can you again please remind me how breathing is done in freestyle?”

She confidently and gladly answered: “When your hand enters the water, you roll to your side and breathe.”

“Very good!” I said encouragingly.

“And could you clarify the breathing part for me please? How many gulps of air do you take when you’re breathing?” I asked looking at her in the eyes.

She blushed immediately understanding what I meant with the little Devil. She had been “cleverly” convinced by her little Devil that as long as she didn’t break the pattern, it wasn’t cheating, and as such gave herself permission to double breath every time she rolled to her side.

Before I let her back in, I add: “It’s not the number of time that we get tricked that make the difference, it’s more the number of times you got to resist the temptation that makes the difference. So, don’t worry if you get fooled again, just make sure you fight it, that’s all.”

After having had several of these interventions with each of the swimmer present, we have a group debrief to wrap up the story.

“Many of you were at first arguing with me that your little Devil had not spoken to you, but I think by now you understand how this alarm system works. What is really important you remember, is that it’s inevitable that you will be tricked again many times by your little Devil. So many times that there’s no number high enough to describe it!”

“The best anyone can aspire to, in this kind of situation, is to simply fight the temptations with all they’ve got without hoping to ever be able to resist them all.”

“Every time you fight the temptations of your little Devil, you win. Every time it ends up tricking you, you don’t lose, but you remain simply like everyone else, average. Therefore, you can never lose. You can only win or stay average, normal. When we say Champions choose the hard way, it means Champions choose to fight their little Devil and resist the temptation of doing the easy way, of staying in their comfort zone. It’s when you do that consistently that you turn yourself into a Champion.”

The story is then referred to at every opportunity to practically demonstrate to the swimmers that they have the power of choice, if they are willing to claim it.

As their understanding of the story deepens, due to all the experiences they accumulate that validate the story, more elements can be added to enhance their ability to perceive subtle nuances.

Here are some of the additional elements that were added to the story:

1. “It is safe to say that when you catch yourself hearing sentences of your little Devil, it is a clear sign that you’ve reached the edge of your comfort zone. When you resist the temptation of your little Devil, you are stepping into your discomfort zone. The longer you resist the temptation to agree with your little Devil, the longer you stay out of your comfort zone. As your ability to stay out of your comfort zone for longer period increases you will start noticing how not all your incursions in the discomfort zone are of the same depth. The depth to which you go out of your comfort zone is directly linked to how much you care about what you’re doing. How much it matters to you.”
2. “Imagine a vertical line stemming from the comfort zone circle at a right angle. This line reflects the degree to which one goes out of their comfort zone. Like a discomfortmeter. The further away, the higher the degree.”
3. What we perceive as being our maximum effort, is the furthest point on our discomfortmeter that we’ve been to. What you’re trying to do, is to move what you feel is your maximum effort further away from the comfort zone. When you move this point to new heights it is called: putting in “extraordinary effort”.
4. “When you continuously invest extraordinary effort in your life, to sustain a bit longer, the temporary discomfort of being outside of your comfort zone, it has an almost magical effect on your experience of life. It lights a spark that makes you start believing that it actually might be possible for you to achieve your dreams. Without that spark of belief, a goal really is just a dreamer’s dream.”
5. Of the winner of a very close race we often hear say: “He/She wanted it more than the other.” Maybe it is because the winner was able to dig a bit deeper outside his/her comfort zone than the other? Maybe winning wasn’t as important for the silver medalist as it was for the gold medalist. The winner was willing to pay the highest price.
6. It is when we stop caring, when it stops to matter to us that we reach our maximum degree out of our comfort zone. Our training is designed to show us how by learning to make things more important for us, sacred to us, we can care more and longer, thereby allowing us to reach further out of our comfort zone.
7. The further one ventures away from their comfort zone, the more inspiring one’s performances become.