One of the three postulates of Flow theory is that for anyone to get in a state of Flow (the optimal state of being for performing at the best of one’s abilities), there must be a good balance between the perceived challenges of the task at hand and their own perceived skills. In other word, one must have confidence in one’s ability to tackle the task at hand despite of the odds against them.
A very good example of this was given to us in the movie Rocky 3.
Leading to his first fight with Mr. T, we see Rocky doubting and questioning his skills and value as a boxer after realizing his coach had carefully planned his title fights to extend the longevity of his career. He felt like a fraud and didn’t believe himself to be as good as everyone thought him to be. Concurrently, he was being challenged publicly by a rapidly developing big mouthed contender.
By the time Rocky fights Mr. T, he seems completely out of it and gets easily and badly beaten up without putting much of a fight, losing his world champion title in the process.
Mr. T, represented a challenge in which Rocky did not have confidence in his ability to tackle despite of the odds against him. He didn’t perceive himself to be even close to be good enough (whether he was or not makes no difference at all) to beat the scary Mr. T.
As if, he had been forced somehow to be in the ring and didn’t want to be there at all.
As such, rather than fighting with all his might, as he had done in his fights with Apollo, he basically let Mr. T beat him up almost as if, all he cared about was for the fight to be over with quickly. As if, he had been forced somehow to be in the ring and didn’t want to be there at all.
This is a very common way for young athletes to behave when competing. Kids express this behavior to varying degrees when facing challenges where the perceived odds at beating their Mr. T, are too high.
It would be too difficult to justify to themselves to simply not do it, so they go in without really giving it their best shot, without fully investing their whole being, without risking their all and end up performing halfheartedly in an attempt to mask that they don’t believe they can, that they’ve given up.
To illustrate this kind of situation to my young swimmers, I tell them the story of Brutus and Joe Ramen.
This story gives my swimmers and I a context by which we can discuss some elements of the mental and emotional aspects of their performances and their attitudes in general.
The set up for the story is critical because if the swimmers can relate to the story through their own experiences, it will be much easier for them to understand the meaning to it.
A week prior to telling them the story, I give them a carefully designed set (3 rounds of 3 x 200 free/4:00 with a 100 choice easy/3:00 between rounds) where the bar is set high with clearly defined goals (round 1 all 200’s at 80%, round 2 all at 85% and round 3 at 90%). The bar has to be set high enough to be scary to the athletes, but not too high that it seems to them that coach has gone coocoo!
The foundation for the story has been laid if the swimmers are not just far off from their targets but also display attitudes demonstrating that they are not really engaged or putting their hearts into it. If they were being meek in their “attempts” at meeting their targets I know they’re ready for the next step.
The following week, I tell them the story after they do the same set, but this time with slightly adjusted goals to make it feel more like the odds against them are below 60% (Round 1, all at 80%, round 2 one at 80% and 2 at 85%, round 3 one at 80% and two at 85%). The difference is always remarkable! The swimmers do not achieve their targets on all 200’s but they tend to fight for it as it mattered to them and in the end, that’s all that really matters. We don’t get better because of the amount of time we hit our targets; we get better because of the struggle we put our self through to achieve, or not, our targets.
The practical experience they get with the sets, really helps them understand how their performance in practice and races is affected by how they perceive the odds against them to “succeed” to be.
Brutus and Joe Ramen
I start the story by drawing a picture of two imaginary MMA fighters. Brutus is immense, colossal, mean and scary while Joe Ramen is simply a stick man.
Before I actually start telling the story, I make sure my swimmers understand what odds for and odds against mean.
“Now imagine you walk in the octagon with Brutus to fight him. What would the odds against you be?” I ask.
The swimmers always answer a very high number, some even say things like: “I would poop in my pants!”
“Are you going to try to run out of the octagon? How do we call someone who would choose to do that?” I ask them.
They’re usually quick to answer that you’d be called a coward if you were to run away.
“So, if that matters to you, you’ll stay in, but what will you do to not lose your life? What would you do to minimize the damage? Would you fight him with all you’ve got or would you try not to bleed, try not to hurt too much by the time the bell rings?” I ask making pleading gestures as if I was in front of Brutus trembling of fear.
The swimmers who remain quieter after this question give me the impression, they really connect the story with an experience they’ve had before and are starting to understand something they didn’t know yet about themselves.
The swimmers who are more agitated need some reinforcements on the scale of the odds against them, so I emphasize the size and strength of Brutus until I see it sink in that the odds are truly impossible.
I then, question them about the odds for them when fighting Joe Ramen.
“How would you feel if you went in the octagon to fight a small twigly guy that looks like he’s going to break if you just sneeze on him?” I ask them making funny gestures mimicking a powerful sneeze…
My swimmers’ most common answer is: “It wouldn’t be fun; it’d be too easy.”
In the absence of some degree of challenge, it’s not even fun. Kids understand that easily.
“So tell me, is it correct to say that in general when someone feels the odds against them are too high, (it’s like they’re fighting Brutus), he/she fights hoping the fight will be over quickly without much damage, and when someone feels the odds against them are too low, (it’s like they’re fighting Joe Ramen), it’s not fun anymore?”
Once they confirm, I continue: “So what would be the right amount of odds against you to make it fun and exciting to be in the octagon with someone to measure yourself with?”
After discussing, we usually end up agreeing that the best ratio is to have the odds against us between 50 and 60%.
I proceed then to ask the swimmer to look at their goals and to check how they feel about them. Do their goals make them feel like the odds against are too high, too low?
This is always an eye opener for the swimmers when they realize that more often than not, their goals are their Brutus.
Two ways to make it easier to deal with unimaginable odds against us
“Making the odds against us seem more favorable can be done in two ways. As we have just seen, with tonight’s set and last week’s, the first and easiest way is breaking down our bigger goal into smaller pieces. Fighting Brutus’s legs only is more manageable than fighting the whole Brutus.”
“The second way and much more challenging to do, is adjusting our understanding of the meaning of success.”
Our society, which is result oriented, teaches our children to believe that winning is equal to success. So, when the children start competing, they know that to be considered successful, they should improve their times, should achieve standards and should win races. Parents, families, friends and many coaches keep reinforcing this belief every time the child feels judged based on his/her results.
More often than not, this creates a situation where athletes grow to doubt their ability to do those “should” and it leads them to underperform and/or leave the sport altogether feeling they have failed at something that was supposed to be fun.
The fun comes from playing to win
The key that enables someone to adjust what success means to them is found when one stops focusing on the outcome and focuses rather on the process itself. For example, when we play a board game with friends and family, we play to win and we all have fun whether we lose or win. The fun comes from playing to win. Try having fun playing to lose!
Once someone’s focus is on the process, success becomes simply a matter of finding pride, joy and peace knowing from the bottom of our heart, that we couldn’t have given out a better fight, regardless of the result.
The legendary Coach Wooden defined success as:
“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”
To really understand this, it is important to be clear on the distinction between wanting to be perfect and acting impeccably.
“What would be considered the perfect fight if you have to fight Brutus?” I ask the swimmers.
“To knock him out in one punch!” invariably comes up every time.
“But the odds of that happening are quite unimaginable to say the least! Being impeccable means being committed to investing all you’ve got, even if it means it’s going to hurt, maybe even kill you, to find out just how close to the perfect fight you can get without ever hoping or entertaining the thought, to ever be perfect.”
Rocky expressed the same in Rocky 4, when he tells his wife in the stairwell, that he will be going to Russia to train for his fight with Ivan Drago.
“And for that (avenging Apollo) you’re willing to lose everything?” Adrian asks accusingly.
“This ain’t everything. This house and the stuff we have ain’t everything. There’s a lot more than this.” He answers energetically.
“…You can’t
win!” Adrian screams at him.
Softly he responds: “Maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he’s
got. But to beat me, he’ll have to kill me. And to do that, he’ll have to have
the heart to stand in front of me. And to do that he has to be willing to die
himself.”
I usually conclude the story with:
“When someone understands success as meaning: knowing from the bottom of our heart that we have done the best we could, that we’ve given it our best shot, with the knowledge and skills available to us at the moment. And understands that this knowledge manifests itself as a feeling of peace and honor, (the heart never lies) the only way they can “lose” is if they give up the fight.”
“The only failure in life is the failure to fight.”
“And what is it that we are fighting?” I ask to check if they made the connection.
“We’re fighting the temptations of our little devils meant to keep us in our comfort zone.” They answer knowing what it means to fight with their own little devil.
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