Between 2002 and 2012, I lived in Seoul, Korea, teaching English mostly to elementary school children. Korean parents, driven by their desire to give the best opportunities to their children, to ensure they would “succeed” in life, went really out of their way to provide these opportunities. Families spent a huge portion of their income to send their children to “academies”, private after school programs, that specialize in many different subjects and scholastic matters. I was working at such an academy.
In 2016, back in my home country and living in Vancouver, I was surprised to learn from my sister, who had 3 elementary age children, that at home it was the same! Parents paid a small fortune to have their children take all sorts of courses in the hopes of giving them a head start, a better shot at succeeding in life. Prices for these classes could be insanely high simply because of the high demand, which revealed how many parents at home, felt like parents in Korea.
My sister openly admitted to feeling pressured into this “non-sense” (that’s how she called the situation) because she feared that if she didn’t give her children these opportunities, they would be at a disadvantage when entering the work force as adults compared to the growing number of children attending after-school programs. She didn’t feel ready to take that chance, hence why she was a participant in the non-sense.
As a competitive swim coach working with young children, I have seen how this trend is affecting the children I coach now a days compared to the ones I coached almost 30 years ago. It is now common, here in the region at least, for children to compete one day out of the 2 days meets. For most families, this is not a financial decision but rather a decision based on all the different activities their children are engaged in. Saturday the swim meet and Sunday the soccer game then the robot class, then piano, etc.
It is also becoming ever more challenging for swim clubs to schedule groups at times that are convenient for everyone and parents often opt to miss a swimming day so that they can add another activity to their children’s busy schedule.
Attendance in general is not as rock steady as it used to be.
This not only affects the ability of the swimmers to improve their swimming performances, but it affects also, and to a greater degree, the ability for the coaches to teach, demonstrate and guide swimmers toward uncovering their full potential as Human Beings.
This is of huge concern to me as a coach, as it directly affects the return on investment parents get from their children’s participation into the competitive swimming world.
It is easy to understand that since swimming with a club isn’t cheap, parents must expect and are entitled to have a great return on their investments.
To determine whether a return on investment is great or not, it is first needed for parents to define and be clear on what their objectives with their investment are.
Investment objectives
For most parents, signing their children to the swim club is a way to keep their children active and to learn the only sport that can save their lives. Very few parents, enter their children in a club, expressively because they want them to win a medal at the Olympics, although it sadly does happen.
Parents pay for the club, as opposed to swimming lessons, because they want a little more for their children than only learning to swim and staying fit. They want for their children to learn and become better and have fun in the process. There are also many other reasons which vary from one family to another, depending on each family’s set of values. However, within this multitude of reasons, never have parents entered their children in competitive swimming, or any sport for that matter, with the expressed intent of screwing them up for life!
All parents have the best of intentions when it comes to their children. When they think of what they wish their children to become as adults, no parents ever envision criminals, murderers, homeless, liars, bullies, heartless, greedy, egomaniac, sick or the such. Parents imagine their children becoming Champions in Life.
Champions in Life are people who:
- Know joy and happiness.
- Are able to deal with adversities and challenges with grace, grit, resiliency, pride, honor, care and love.
- Treat themselves and the world around them with great respect and care.
- Are smart, critical, able to think for themselves and are accountable for their actions.
- Remain open to the mystery that life is and remember that things in life aren’t always what they appear to be.
- Know themselves capable of accomplishing, realizing anything that they set their mind and heart to, just not all at the same time.
- Have a growth mindset and understand that through practice, commitment and perseverance, they can learn anything.
- Search and find their passion in life, and make a living from it.
- Have the character to risk all their belongings, for something they really believe in.
- Blossom and express their full potential as human beings.
Lots of parents also wish for their children to have the cars, the houses and the money for a very comfy lifestyle, however for most of these parents, these wishes are a consequence of their children actualizing themselves. These parents are confident that provided their wishes for their children realize themselves; their children would be more than qualified to live their lives in exactly the way they want it. Their children wouldn’t be victims of their circumstances. They would be Champions in Life.
Many parents approach their children’s activities as investments in their future as these activities have not only a short-term but also tremendous long-term effect on the participants. These parents, ask themselves: based on our values, what kind of activities do our children need to do, to learn the lessons they need to learn to grow and mature into the adults we would like them to become?
For such parents, paying for after-school activities, is a mean to provide their children the kind of experiences and guidance they need in order to learn and become the type of adults they wish them to become. In other words, competitive swimming is the medium by which they want their children to grow and mature into the best version of themselves.
Their children may or may not win medals, trophies and break records, but in the process of doing their best to improve their swimming performances, they learn the values and attitudes required to make the most of their short time on this planet.
Evaluating the return on investment
Once parents’ objectives for investing in their children’s future through competitive sports or activities are clear, they can evaluate the quality of their return on investment.
To do so, parents must first ask themselves; are the experiences (or any of the activities their children engage into, school included) the swim club provides, placing my children into situations where they can learn the lessons that will turn them into the type of adults, I wish them to become?
Let us digress here for a moment because it is important to be clear that to learn what happiness is, one must also know sadness. To know peace, one must know conflict. To know grit and resiliency, one must be brought to one’s knees and then experience hardships and struggles. It would therefore be incoherent for parents to demand their children’s club, to protect/shelter children from such “negative” experiences.
Also before continuing, it is crucial to consider the element of competition. Without being competitive, it would be very challenging, almost impossible, for the club to consistently create situations where children are asked to push out of their comfort zone. It’s the element of competition, that drives the swimmers to breach the edge of their comfort zone which is what, in turn, stimulates growth and maturation.
Although winning medals and breaking records isn’t most parents’ objective for their children, their personal growth and development is, it is nonetheless crucial that the children feel compelled to win for the aforementioned personal growth and development to occur.
Competition, as defined in the dictionary, means to “struggle together” as we measure our own abilities against that of each other. In this context, wanting to win simply means wanting to uncover our own potential. Our potential is that which is outside of our comfort zone. Without the competitive aspect it is still possible for one to measure themselves to uncover one’s full potential, but it’s of rather rare occurrence.
Secondly, does the club and its coaching staff, including the board and governance of the club, deliver a program and provide guidance to the children to effectively and purposefully move them forward in their personal growth and maturation? In other word, is the club aware that parents don’t care about medals, trophies, certificates and records, but that they care for their children to learn to behave properly, to be respectful, to be resilient and gritty, etc.?
Are the coaches aware that they’re developing Champions in Life as opposed to developing medal winners? That the value of their work with the children isn’t in the children’s performance in the water (best time or not) but rather in the values and attitudes the children develop through interacting with them?
Is the care coaches provide the children showing in the way they look at them, talk to them and listen to them? Does that care extend beyond, the simple biomechanics of swimming; is it a holistic approach that includes the unique way each child feels and thinks?
Does the club have a plan not only for the progression of swimming skills but also for the development of the personal and interpersonal skills of the swimmers?
At the moment, it is not the norm in competitive sports to have such an approach to the development of athletes. Most clubs, coaches and parents are still caught up in the old belief that winning automatically means success. This belief contributed to the rise of the “win at all cost” culture we currently live in.
Lance Armstrong, Ben Johnson, Marion Jones, Barry Bonds, the New England Patriots have all been caught cheating, yet they are still often referred to as champions by many. However, we all know deep down that Champions in Life don’t need to cheat to win because they have honor. The consensus we see emerging, is that real success isn’t in the outside achievements, but rather in the inner process gone through in developing one’s Champion in Life’s attributes.
Coaches already do teach very desirable values and attitudes, but for the most part, it’s only a by-product of their attempts at creating medal winners. How much more efficient coaches, clubs and sport organizations could be, if success meant for them developing Champions in Life through the medium of their respective competitive sports?
Competitive swimming offers a fantastic context to stimulate children into growth and maturation, simply because of the time required to enhance one’s skills. The high frequency at which athletes interact with coaches, enhance the latter’s ability to influence and affect positive changes in the swimmers. When children miss a practice, they miss a lot more than simply the physical aspect of the practice. They miss the continuity of the program, miss the lessons of that day and it hinders the ability of the coaches and clubs to deliver great return on investments for parents.
When the children are not at practice, they don’t learn, even if the parent is paying.
The shift between the old way to look at success and the emerging way, will occur as more and more parents, demand from clubs and coaches, that such an approach be taken with their children. As more parents insist on having their children develop within programs that specifically focus on holistically nurturing their athletes for the expressed purpose of personal growth and maturation, these programs will multiply and become ever more practical and efficient.
The key to unlocking the full benefits from your investment
There is one more thing, however, that need to be kept in mind when trying to get the most from investing in children through competitive sports; and it’s this old adage: the apple never falls far from the tree.
As holistic and practical, the club’s program is and as caring, wise and committed, the coaches are, if the parents don’t provide the proper examples to their children at home of what it means to live with the values and attitudes they wish their children to develop, then the work of the club and coaches will be diluted and their investment won’t bring all the return it could.
In other words, for the parents’ investment to fully blossom, they must not only be invested financially but also personally. Their return on investment is not only linked to the club and coaches’ performance, but is principally linked to their own ability to embody the values and attitudes they wish their children to have as grownups.
A practical example
Parents in this “non-sense”, need to be very careful when selecting the activities for their children, to ensure their investment objectives are met. They can’t just pay for any activity without having considered first how it fits with their own values and their goals for their children.
For example, many parents believe commitment is an essential skill in life and it is crucial for them, as parents, that their children learn to be committed. Being clear on this, they would have to make sure that they provide the right set up for their children to learn commitment. So, if their children have to miss the Thursday evening practice because of basketball, they have to ask themselves: are they really giving their children the opportunity to know what commitment is? If they schedule a doctor’s appointment during practice, are they giving them the opportunity to learn commitment? If they allow their children to stay home because they had a tough day at school, are they teaching them commitment, resilience? Often, simply asking themselves these types of questions is enough for parents to determine which option supports best their values and investment objectives.
Choosing to provide an environment for their children where learning commitment is possible can be expected to be inconvenient as commitment is a form of engagement that we make, which isn’t affected by any circumstances. It is ultimately the parents’ own level of commitment to their investment that will set the standard for their children. In other words, children can only be committed to their activities, as the parents are willing to be.
Champions in Life can mean many different things to different parents, however regardless of the individual differences in values, the need for parents to be invested personally, to be the apple trees they want their children to grow into, remains critically important in getting the best return on their investments.
It is my sincere hope that this little article helps you navigate this “non-sense” and make the most of your investments in your children.
