“Lara! How was that?” I said enthusiastically as she approached to talk about her race.
In a tone that denotes she was hoping for something better she said: “Expecting to go faster but…”
“You were expecting to go faster?” I asked pretending to be surprised that she was.
“I just thought I could go faster cause I went 1:18 before.” She answered disappointingly.
Comparing the races
With a comforting and understanding tone, I continued: “Okay, so let’s take a look at those two races. We know the difference in the end time but what else was different or comparable between these two races?”
“How was your mental state during the race? Were you on the same channel for both races?”
Cheekily, she tells me that she had to go to the bathroom real bad before this race.
After explaining that this is a normal physical reaction the body has when we’re under stress, I asked: “Which of the two races do you feel you were the most on your racing channel?”
She answers meekly: “Just a bit more in the long course race.”
With a big smile on my face and looking at her in the eyes I asked: “Just a bit more?”
After comparing both of her races with better care she starts smiling a bit.
“So, tell me more about that difference.” I asked curiously.
“I think it’s who I was racing at that meet that really got me pumped up.” She said looking as proud of herself as she had done after that long course race.
“So, you were really pumped up? And in today’s race, how was your degree of pumpedness?” I asked to help her make comparisons.
“I was pumped up but it was kind of …” she answered not exactly sure what words to use to describe the difference.
“Was it to the same degree? Were you pumped to the same degree today than the degree you were at that long course meet?” I asked helping her find a way to talk about what she was feeling.
“Not as much.” She said admittedly bowing her head down.
“Do you think that has anything to do with the end result of your race?” I asked to continue the reflection.
She answered reluctantly that it probably had an effect on the outcome of the race. She didn’t look sure so I challenged her to not stay on the fence.
Looking at her in the eyes I said: “It’s a yes or no question.”
She answered yeah but it was not convincing me that she had reached clarity on how the difference in degree of pumpedness in both races affected their results.
“Are you sure?” asking her to confirm with conviction.
I could tell she was thinking about something but she was not saying anything, so I said: “You know, you don’t look too sure!”
Owning the good, the bad, and everything in between
Looking at her carefully, I finally understood where she was at with her reflection. She was resisting owning her experience because she didn’t like the result.
“Yeah, I think you’re sure but you just wish the result was different.” I said in a supportive tone.
Nodding and smiling and suddenly more at ease she answered: “Yeah.”
“It’s critically important that we own our actions and behaviors, because when we don’t, we cannot make any adjustments if these actions and behaviors don’t work for us. They’re not ours, how can we change them? So, the first step, to get more of what we want in life, is to own our actions and behaviors, the bad, the good and everything in between.”
A new dot on your map
And wrapping it up I said: “So, did you lose? Did you win? You’re learning, with that race you got another dot on your map. It’s not quite at the same spot of that other 100 free, we’re talking about, it’s kind of near but that other 100 free is closer to the perfect channel for racing.”
“Tomorrow when you come back, remember how you can get yourself on that channel, pumped, so take notes, write your notes in your logbook today. Okay see you tomorrow!”
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